We are born and we're not smart
And our parents kind of try to do their part
But our brains, they need some facts
So our education starts in the public stacks
Without libraries, we'd be dumb
We wouldn't know our elbow from our bum
Libraries are our friends, we should take good care of them
Because without libraries we'd be D-U-M
Now when we're teens, we start to sour
We have hormones but not a lot of power
And when there's things we want to know
We need a nice safe place where there isn't any blow
Without libraries, ...
Then we're adults, and we're in charge
And our egos can get a little large
We open our mouths, and words come out
But how can we make it seem like we know what we're talking about
Without libraries, ...
As we grow old, we might get dim
Even if we keep up at the gym
We lose our figures, we lose our looks
But we'll keep our smarts if we hang around with books
Without libraries, ...
And then we die and that's the end
At the funeral there'll be one loyal friend
And he'll get up, remove his cap
But where will he find a poem that isn't utter crap
Without libraries, ...
Daniel Handler at a Friends of the San Francisco Public Libraries event (2012) [YouTube]
Daniel Handler on What We Do, WHRO Public Media (2024) [YouTube]