At the big diving meet at our school
A diver, ol' Stanley O'Toole,
Did a horrified flip
that the judges scored zip,
The worst ever seen at our pool
Well, the spectators let out a roar,
But Stanley had more thrills in store
His next dive was poorer --
he caused such a furor
They gave him a negative score
He got less than zero, less than zero
The scores are running in reverse
Less than zero, he's an anti-hero
"Watch me go from bad to worse!"
At dance contest down by the shore
Stan tripped and fell on the floor
The judge cried "PU!
You get negative two"
Said Stan with a grin "Less is more!"
He got less than zero, less than zero
He's a negative, negative guy
Less than zero, he's an anti-hero
"Worse is nothin' is my battle cry!"
When he skated for the roses at the
roller-rink
The judges held their noses and said
"Stan, you stink!
You're so bad we got to give you a
subzero score"
It added up to negative
twenty-four
Stan entered a hammer throw meet
He set a record that no-one would beat
He threw it behind him!
the score they assigned him
Was negative fifty-five feet
He got less than zero, less than zero
No ifs, and no ands, and no buts
Less than zero, he's an anti-hero
"I'm a certified nationwide klutz!"
"I'm a certified nationwide klutz!"
recording: music video from Square One Television [YouTube]
recording: Square One Television episode 103 (full episode) (1987) [YouTube]
notes: authorship suggestion [Muppet Wiki]